Hey God. I hope you don't mind me writing a letter to you. I hope you don't mind me existing. Sometimes I feel like you hate me.
It's the same old thing all the time. I feel like you told me I shouldn't be concerned about things like money. I am though. I tried to not be, but I am.
It's hard to not have money and I feel dirty thinking about it so much. I wish I stopped thinking about it so much.
I want to be above all this stuff, like money and lust and hate. You know I'm not though.
Maybe I shouldn't believe in you anymore. Your standards don't seem possible. You've always made me so unhappy.
I wonder who I would be without you. I wonder what I would love. I wonder what, if anything, I would hate.
I want to explore the mystery of life and maybe I have to let go of you in order to do that. You hate me so much.
I tried so hard. I tried for you.
Maybe we'll meet again someday, maybe when you're more okay with who I am.
It's not okay what you've done to me. It's not okay.
I won't tell you what to believe. But I will tell you that I hope you feel better, because I do. This is a long talk to have with yerself. Don't expect answers all at once. Hate is for humans, and humans tell us everything we know about God. I like that song a lot, but it's a sad one. When I'm sad I go for long walks.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean 'hate is for humans'?
ReplyDeleteI like to think humans are loving in origin but twist things to make them bad.
Do you think hate is a natural thing?
I don't think God hates. I think the concept of "the other" is natural, as in being outside of a group or simply being in the body of a different competitor. I further think that competition can lead to feelings of dislike so strong that we name them hate.
ReplyDeleteThus, hate natural. I want to believe that god is above hate.
But maybe all god is universal balance, which hate is naturally apart of. Don't quote me, I am a recovering catholic.
I felt bad for letting Jesus down when I a kid. The catholic way of looking at him is rather gory. I have come to the conclusion that love isn't wrong and all water is holy. If we melted down some of that gold, or sold off the stone we could feed millions. God is great, but religion is a bum steer.
Well, I'm not into dissing religion.
ReplyDeleteI only like dissing certain people. I like some religious people.
Your attitude seems strange to me. I don't believe hate is natural.
I've never really liked competition.
I don't want to be offensive. I'm not trying to dis anyone. I mention my background only to show that I Have thought about it a lot. I dislike competition as well, doesn't make it any less real though.
ReplyDeleteIf hate isn't natural than what is? Where did hate come from?
What I really mean is, I don't think it's justifiable.
ReplyDeleteI guess I don't really care what's 'natural'.