I like to tell myself that it's intentional. I choose to be a wuss.
I never really got the whole pretending to be emotionless thing.
I don't see the point.
I like feelings things and talking to other people about what they're feeling. It's interesting to me, much more than contact sports and stuff.
Sports kind of seem unsophisticated to me.
I get pissed when people treat me like a wuss though. I don't think people have the right to do that.
I could be just making up excuses for myself to stay the way I am.
People don't understand when I don't lie to them. I don't understand why everyone lies to me.
Why would it be so bad to be scared? Why would it be so bad if people knew you were scared? or sad?
I know people get real fucking annoying when they're always on about how they're depressed and shit. I don't usually have much self-awareness about how annoying I'm getting. Someone usually has to point it out.
I like my way of choosing to live better than the way it seems other people are choosing. Being open to stuff is good.
Letting things affect you is good.
I ain't no hero. I'm just a kid, ya know? Sometimes I can't handle shit. Sometimes I can.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
REally Awesome Post
I'm going to write a really awesome blog post.
I think I'm incapable of writing really longs things. It just seems like that at a certain point after writing stuff anything more would be EXTREMELY BORING. Unless, someone was like your stalker and they hung on every single word you put down.
I don't really want stalkers though. They get annoying. I'm not even lying. I don't like stalkers. I like pretend stalkers and pretending to be a stalker. That's just great. But real stalkers? I wish they would die. I really wish they would die.
I'm tired of all these people who don't know how to function. I'm tired of people who bore the hell out of me also. I want people to be interesting. Talking about sex ALL THE TIME is not interesting. It's not. No, it's not. Stop it. It's not interesting. I can keep this up longer than you, you'll just get distracted by sex and wonder off. SEE?
Sex seems good on the outside, but ultimately it ends up being worthless if there's no connection behind it. Why don't people ever talk about the connection? Threesomes and one night stands? I mean really? How far does that take you in life?
Wow, that was fun! Now what?? Seriously, now what? Penises and vaginas. Oh, giggle giggle. Now what? Giggle some more. and then what?
How'd people get so fucked over in their heads they can't think about real things? Do you want to actually be loved by someone for who you are or not? Would you rather someone loved you for what you look like or for who you've really chosen to be?
Is there such a thing as good people? Can you do good in this world? Can you make it better?
I haven't given up hope on it. I haven't resigned myself to the appetites of my flesh because I believe there could be things much more important to think about, to care about, to love.
So excuse my disdain for your conversation, when everything is about the giggles. There are more things to consider. There are more things than these hollow shells.
I think I'm incapable of writing really longs things. It just seems like that at a certain point after writing stuff anything more would be EXTREMELY BORING. Unless, someone was like your stalker and they hung on every single word you put down.
I don't really want stalkers though. They get annoying. I'm not even lying. I don't like stalkers. I like pretend stalkers and pretending to be a stalker. That's just great. But real stalkers? I wish they would die. I really wish they would die.
I'm tired of all these people who don't know how to function. I'm tired of people who bore the hell out of me also. I want people to be interesting. Talking about sex ALL THE TIME is not interesting. It's not. No, it's not. Stop it. It's not interesting. I can keep this up longer than you, you'll just get distracted by sex and wonder off. SEE?
Sex seems good on the outside, but ultimately it ends up being worthless if there's no connection behind it. Why don't people ever talk about the connection? Threesomes and one night stands? I mean really? How far does that take you in life?
Wow, that was fun! Now what?? Seriously, now what? Penises and vaginas. Oh, giggle giggle. Now what? Giggle some more. and then what?
How'd people get so fucked over in their heads they can't think about real things? Do you want to actually be loved by someone for who you are or not? Would you rather someone loved you for what you look like or for who you've really chosen to be?
Is there such a thing as good people? Can you do good in this world? Can you make it better?
I haven't given up hope on it. I haven't resigned myself to the appetites of my flesh because I believe there could be things much more important to think about, to care about, to love.
So excuse my disdain for your conversation, when everything is about the giggles. There are more things to consider. There are more things than these hollow shells.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
I watched the first two seasons of Dexter
in the past 2 days.
Yes, I have no life.
I can't say I'd recommend the show in general because I just don't like the general idea of serial killers. Serial killers are dumb as hell.
The psychological aspect of the show is somewhat interesting though.
The idea of him having to pretend so much is interesting.
The thing I hate most about shows is that they have to continue. Some shows would just be much better ending after one season or two.
I really do relate a lot to the main character though. I feel like I have to hide a big part of myself to appear normal. I've learned not to talk about it really.
My brain is getting confused between the show and my own life just because I've watched so many of the episodes in a row.
I also relate to the rules that Dexter's foster father Harry gave to him. In my own life I feel like those rules would be God's rules.
I live by God's rules because that's how I was raised and I would feel lost without them. I also feel alienated from people who don't seem to live by the rules I do.
I was sad that he killed that girl at the end of the second season. I'm not sure why. It just seemed sad to me.
Yes, I have no life.
I can't say I'd recommend the show in general because I just don't like the general idea of serial killers. Serial killers are dumb as hell.
The psychological aspect of the show is somewhat interesting though.
The idea of him having to pretend so much is interesting.
The thing I hate most about shows is that they have to continue. Some shows would just be much better ending after one season or two.
I really do relate a lot to the main character though. I feel like I have to hide a big part of myself to appear normal. I've learned not to talk about it really.
My brain is getting confused between the show and my own life just because I've watched so many of the episodes in a row.
I also relate to the rules that Dexter's foster father Harry gave to him. In my own life I feel like those rules would be God's rules.
I live by God's rules because that's how I was raised and I would feel lost without them. I also feel alienated from people who don't seem to live by the rules I do.
I was sad that he killed that girl at the end of the second season. I'm not sure why. It just seemed sad to me.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Erin Wanted to Know what my voice sounded like.
so i was like, oh, she wants me to make a video.
so i did :/
i'm a dumb person
so i did :/
i'm a dumb person
Friday, September 17, 2010
Seriously
I fix people's computers for like the not real job I have. It's not real because hardly anyone ever calls me to fix their computer.
I don't know if I want to fix anyone's computer anyway.
I live with my dad. He gets annoying sometimes. I try to tell him how to not be annoying and then he gets more annoying. I should try to get him to not drink, but I don't know how to do that. Alcohol has always been a good thing in my life. I don't understand why it makes him so much worse at life.
I'm mean to people. Just kind of random people. It's a newer thing to me. I used to be a really quiet person. Then over time I decided no one else knew what they were doing and I should tell them what they should be doing. Sometimes it feels good to be mean, when it really seems like someone deserved it and then sometimes I feel like I go too far.
My dad is annoying. I'm only staying here so he isn't all by himself. He just thinks he's extremely awesome or something and cares a lot about everyone liking him. My mom went out to Colorado to go to school because she couldn't handle my dad being like that. He is pretty weird. Though, I don't really like my mom either.
This is like a really bad day. Hopefully everything will be better when I go to sleep. I sleep at weird times. It's 6:20 AM right now. I usually sleep like 7am to 3pm.
My life is just extremely stupid at the moment. It all seems to revolve around this girl. I wrote some weird stuff to her again and asked her if maybe we shouldn't hang out and she said, ya, we probably shouldn't. Even though I thought that's how it should be, it's just so depressing to me.
I need a computer job to distract me. Ya. I do. Or something really odd. I need an odd distraction. Or not. Maybe I'll just sleep for 3 days. Maybe I'll sleep in the rain.
I don't know if I want to fix anyone's computer anyway.
I live with my dad. He gets annoying sometimes. I try to tell him how to not be annoying and then he gets more annoying. I should try to get him to not drink, but I don't know how to do that. Alcohol has always been a good thing in my life. I don't understand why it makes him so much worse at life.
I'm mean to people. Just kind of random people. It's a newer thing to me. I used to be a really quiet person. Then over time I decided no one else knew what they were doing and I should tell them what they should be doing. Sometimes it feels good to be mean, when it really seems like someone deserved it and then sometimes I feel like I go too far.
My dad is annoying. I'm only staying here so he isn't all by himself. He just thinks he's extremely awesome or something and cares a lot about everyone liking him. My mom went out to Colorado to go to school because she couldn't handle my dad being like that. He is pretty weird. Though, I don't really like my mom either.
This is like a really bad day. Hopefully everything will be better when I go to sleep. I sleep at weird times. It's 6:20 AM right now. I usually sleep like 7am to 3pm.
My life is just extremely stupid at the moment. It all seems to revolve around this girl. I wrote some weird stuff to her again and asked her if maybe we shouldn't hang out and she said, ya, we probably shouldn't. Even though I thought that's how it should be, it's just so depressing to me.
I need a computer job to distract me. Ya. I do. Or something really odd. I need an odd distraction. Or not. Maybe I'll just sleep for 3 days. Maybe I'll sleep in the rain.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
So to the What
I don't care if anyone reads this.
I've said that before, but now is the only time I've meant it.
I can live with no one supporting me. I've learned how to deal with it psychologically.
I just lie to myself and pretend people care. I believe someone cares somewhere.
No one I know, though. I don't like anyone I know.
This girl that I talked about in my second post, I think, she's just so awesome. I keep acting a little strange toward her, but it doesn't affect her. She's so pretty too.
We're really pretty similar in what we like and dislike. We think the same people are strange, well, at least somewhat. She didn't reply to a message I sent her on facebook for like 5 days, but she did after that. I told her I thought it was strange that it took her so long to reply and she said that's how she always is and she asks me to go to a bar with her again like we did before.
She's nice to these people I despise though. These losers who just go oooon and oon, who won't shut the fuck up. Maybe she's a little too nice.
She was talking about her boyfriend for a little bit at the beginning of the night. I think she just says whatever is on her mind to anyone.
I don't know if it's not fair of me to like her so much because I'm pretty sure if I knew another girl who was more suited to me, I would like the more suited one more.
I kind of felt like dying tonight because I'm fairly certain she'll never like me. I'm just too much of a loner. She's nice to people I'd never dream of talking to.
I'm sad. I just wish all the strange people would go away. I just wish she was okay and that she had a better boyfriend than that guy who I know is a compete tool. I'll probably fade away like I should. There was never a place here for me.
It's just too sad. There's no place for the innocent.
I've said that before, but now is the only time I've meant it.
I can live with no one supporting me. I've learned how to deal with it psychologically.
I just lie to myself and pretend people care. I believe someone cares somewhere.
No one I know, though. I don't like anyone I know.
This girl that I talked about in my second post, I think, she's just so awesome. I keep acting a little strange toward her, but it doesn't affect her. She's so pretty too.
We're really pretty similar in what we like and dislike. We think the same people are strange, well, at least somewhat. She didn't reply to a message I sent her on facebook for like 5 days, but she did after that. I told her I thought it was strange that it took her so long to reply and she said that's how she always is and she asks me to go to a bar with her again like we did before.
She's nice to these people I despise though. These losers who just go oooon and oon, who won't shut the fuck up. Maybe she's a little too nice.
She was talking about her boyfriend for a little bit at the beginning of the night. I think she just says whatever is on her mind to anyone.
I don't know if it's not fair of me to like her so much because I'm pretty sure if I knew another girl who was more suited to me, I would like the more suited one more.
I kind of felt like dying tonight because I'm fairly certain she'll never like me. I'm just too much of a loner. She's nice to people I'd never dream of talking to.
I'm sad. I just wish all the strange people would go away. I just wish she was okay and that she had a better boyfriend than that guy who I know is a compete tool. I'll probably fade away like I should. There was never a place here for me.
It's just too sad. There's no place for the innocent.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Only the things I say
People go through phases, right?
Part of me wants to be like other people and part of me does not.
In my search for people I do want to be like, I have come up empty.
Eventually, it seems to not matter if I want to be like anyone, I just start trying to be like them.
Even if I hate every thing you do, I will eventually try and be like you if you are my only option.
And I think people notice that it's not genuine of me. I also can't sustain it for a very long time.
Eventually, I decide that I want to be like people who are different than you and I try to change you.
When I see that I cannot change you, I try to find people that I actually want to be like and again realize that that search has always left me coming up empty.
It's a strange world for people like me. I often forget who I want to be so I can not be alone for times.
I always wonder why it's so easy to pretend, at least for a little bit.
I'm not complaining. People think I'm complaining sometimes. I'm not complaining. I'm just trying to understand. Also, I am complaining. A little bit.
Part of me wants to be like other people and part of me does not.
In my search for people I do want to be like, I have come up empty.
Eventually, it seems to not matter if I want to be like anyone, I just start trying to be like them.
Even if I hate every thing you do, I will eventually try and be like you if you are my only option.
And I think people notice that it's not genuine of me. I also can't sustain it for a very long time.
Eventually, I decide that I want to be like people who are different than you and I try to change you.
When I see that I cannot change you, I try to find people that I actually want to be like and again realize that that search has always left me coming up empty.
It's a strange world for people like me. I often forget who I want to be so I can not be alone for times.
I always wonder why it's so easy to pretend, at least for a little bit.
I'm not complaining. People think I'm complaining sometimes. I'm not complaining. I'm just trying to understand. Also, I am complaining. A little bit.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Break Me in Half
First of all, fuck you. I'm sure you probably deserved that.
I still think there's a reason for being here, for living.
I believe in God, not like just the idea of god. I actually believe in a person who is God, who is in charge.
I believe in consequences.
You probably all heard of this shitty ass religions that don't make sense where God punishes you for doing evil and rewards you for doing good.
Shitty ass religions. That shit ain't makin' no sense.
I believe in good and evil, but it isn't God who punishes us. Being evil is the punishment because it's hollow and empty and meaningless. People fight against an idea of God that isn't even real.
It's not about other people though. I mean it is in a way and not in another way.
I have no right to tell you what to do. I have no right to even think you should be another way.
I just see all this stuff, all this hollowness, all this hate and it brings me down a little and then more and more and more.
Honestly, I see the hate in myself. I hate people for not being like I am. I hate it that I believe in eternal love between a man and a woman, because other people don't. I hate it that I believe in a marriage between people's spirits before a marriage of the body. I hate, I hate, I hate that I am so different.
Because give me a break, the only ones who say they believe what I believe are one-dimensional. I hate religious people more than I hate non-religious people because they just seem so lifeless.
I can't give up on my God. He's a good man. I don't know if you've met Him.
Life is better without the lies, without the lust, without the anger.
Do you know what love is when you see it? Have you seen love when it is real?
Shun the hollow. Be full. Be love.
I still think there's a reason for being here, for living.
I believe in God, not like just the idea of god. I actually believe in a person who is God, who is in charge.
I believe in consequences.
You probably all heard of this shitty ass religions that don't make sense where God punishes you for doing evil and rewards you for doing good.
Shitty ass religions. That shit ain't makin' no sense.
I believe in good and evil, but it isn't God who punishes us. Being evil is the punishment because it's hollow and empty and meaningless. People fight against an idea of God that isn't even real.
It's not about other people though. I mean it is in a way and not in another way.
I have no right to tell you what to do. I have no right to even think you should be another way.
I just see all this stuff, all this hollowness, all this hate and it brings me down a little and then more and more and more.
Honestly, I see the hate in myself. I hate people for not being like I am. I hate it that I believe in eternal love between a man and a woman, because other people don't. I hate it that I believe in a marriage between people's spirits before a marriage of the body. I hate, I hate, I hate that I am so different.
Because give me a break, the only ones who say they believe what I believe are one-dimensional. I hate religious people more than I hate non-religious people because they just seem so lifeless.
I can't give up on my God. He's a good man. I don't know if you've met Him.
Life is better without the lies, without the lust, without the anger.
Do you know what love is when you see it? Have you seen love when it is real?
Shun the hollow. Be full. Be love.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
the way i see love and hate
this is the real meaning of my blog name.
a lot of the time i'm not serious at all, and then i get real serious, real fast.
i'm not sure why. i think perhaps because i don't think life is a game.
i don't think i should be laughing all the time.
i can't laugh when someone is really hurting.
i don't know anyone specifically who's really hurting at the moment, but i know someone could be at any time. sometimes life is not something we want. sometimes all there is to feel is emptiness.
i used to think i could help, but i can only do a little.
i can only make your pain a little less and sometimes a little more.
i believe in a love that transcends this world, but it seems like a lie.
it seems like a lie to think that everything could ever be okay.
it seems like a lie to believe anyone could ever love anyone else forever.
i believe in these childish things only because i love them, not because i think they're most likely true. i only believe in happiness because i want it to exist, not because i think it does.
please lie to me and tell me i'll be okay. please lie to me and tell me we will forever.
please
a lot of the time i'm not serious at all, and then i get real serious, real fast.
i'm not sure why. i think perhaps because i don't think life is a game.
i don't think i should be laughing all the time.
i can't laugh when someone is really hurting.
i don't know anyone specifically who's really hurting at the moment, but i know someone could be at any time. sometimes life is not something we want. sometimes all there is to feel is emptiness.
i used to think i could help, but i can only do a little.
i can only make your pain a little less and sometimes a little more.
i believe in a love that transcends this world, but it seems like a lie.
it seems like a lie to think that everything could ever be okay.
it seems like a lie to believe anyone could ever love anyone else forever.
i believe in these childish things only because i love them, not because i think they're most likely true. i only believe in happiness because i want it to exist, not because i think it does.
please lie to me and tell me i'll be okay. please lie to me and tell me we will forever.
please
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
liars and liars
i feel bad.
i'll probably feel better in 3 hours.
my life doesn't seem meaningful. i mean, what the hell am i doing with myself?
sometimes i write stuff that's shitty and put it on the internet for people to read.
it's not very fulfilling because no one reads it.
i probably need a girlfriend, but i put off like a stalker vibe or something.
that's not actually true. i have a stalker. i'm not really like her. IF YOU'RE READING THIS STALKER, STOP DOING THAT THING WHERE YOU STALK ME. YOU'RE FUGLY. you also present no challenge. i'm sorry about the fugly comment, but come on, get a life.
i just don't really like anyone enough to pursue them. maybe i have to expand my horizons interstellarly. i wish the astronauts would explore other planets so i could get a damn girlfriend.
i'd be all like, 'hi, hot girl from mars, what's the view of the sun like from where you come from?' and she probably be all, 'oh, i'm dying from your incompatible atmosphere.'
mars girls are dumb.
maybe kristen stewart would date me. probably not though. she's into vampires or something. too bad for her that they're not real. maybe she can find a vampire bat some where and try to make love to it. vampire bats are real right?
i wonder if she could make that relationship work. i doubt she has the skills. the vampire bat would be all like, 'eek, eek,' and kristen stewart would be all, ' why don't you look at me?'
i'm sorry kristen stewart, i would try and help you if i could.
i'll probably feel better in 3 hours.
my life doesn't seem meaningful. i mean, what the hell am i doing with myself?
sometimes i write stuff that's shitty and put it on the internet for people to read.
it's not very fulfilling because no one reads it.
i probably need a girlfriend, but i put off like a stalker vibe or something.
that's not actually true. i have a stalker. i'm not really like her. IF YOU'RE READING THIS STALKER, STOP DOING THAT THING WHERE YOU STALK ME. YOU'RE FUGLY. you also present no challenge. i'm sorry about the fugly comment, but come on, get a life.
i just don't really like anyone enough to pursue them. maybe i have to expand my horizons interstellarly. i wish the astronauts would explore other planets so i could get a damn girlfriend.
i'd be all like, 'hi, hot girl from mars, what's the view of the sun like from where you come from?' and she probably be all, 'oh, i'm dying from your incompatible atmosphere.'
mars girls are dumb.
maybe kristen stewart would date me. probably not though. she's into vampires or something. too bad for her that they're not real. maybe she can find a vampire bat some where and try to make love to it. vampire bats are real right?
i wonder if she could make that relationship work. i doubt she has the skills. the vampire bat would be all like, 'eek, eek,' and kristen stewart would be all, ' why don't you look at me?'
i'm sorry kristen stewart, i would try and help you if i could.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
gotta stay true to my title
supposedly consistency sucks. at least says my former self and i think i agree.
i'm trying to think about how to be inconsistent. hmmmmm...
this is going to be the worst post i've ever written.
i'm watching poker on television right now. i hate poker, but i play it all the time.
i feel no accomplishment after i play. probably because i don't usually win a lot of money, but maybe just because i hate poker. the idea of money makes me feel like dying.
i kind of want to burn it all. i guess i need money to eat food.
i should cook my food on my money fire. i'll get the food from the mcdonald's dollar menu.
i just realized i'm not staying true to my blog title. my posts are consistently shitty. lies.
fuck you liars. i love the idea of girls. that's about it though. i'm just kidding.
girls are awesome. i think i am a girl. maybe that's why i can't get a girlfriend.
most girls are like, 'i don't like sports.' and i'm like, 'ya, i hate sports.' and they're all like, 'gayy.'
and i'm all like, 'fuck you.' and they're all like, 'crying...' and then i'm like, 'shut it, bitch.' then they're all like *kick me in the balls* and i'm all like, 'uuuuuuuuunnna.'
my dad bothers me. he such a douche. he like tries to hug me all the time and shit.
i like poker. it's awesome. i love queens. queens rock. i want a girlfriend.
teenage girls are hot, but annoying. also, it's like illegal to look at them. i used to be a teenager.
i'm hungry and thirsty. i should mix some ice cream and water together.
this post is terrible. i'm gonna go look at food.
i'm trying to think about how to be inconsistent. hmmmmm...
this is going to be the worst post i've ever written.
i'm watching poker on television right now. i hate poker, but i play it all the time.
i feel no accomplishment after i play. probably because i don't usually win a lot of money, but maybe just because i hate poker. the idea of money makes me feel like dying.
i kind of want to burn it all. i guess i need money to eat food.
i should cook my food on my money fire. i'll get the food from the mcdonald's dollar menu.
i just realized i'm not staying true to my blog title. my posts are consistently shitty. lies.
fuck you liars. i love the idea of girls. that's about it though. i'm just kidding.
girls are awesome. i think i am a girl. maybe that's why i can't get a girlfriend.
most girls are like, 'i don't like sports.' and i'm like, 'ya, i hate sports.' and they're all like, 'gayy.'
and i'm all like, 'fuck you.' and they're all like, 'crying...' and then i'm like, 'shut it, bitch.' then they're all like *kick me in the balls* and i'm all like, 'uuuuuuuuunnna.'
my dad bothers me. he such a douche. he like tries to hug me all the time and shit.
i like poker. it's awesome. i love queens. queens rock. i want a girlfriend.
teenage girls are hot, but annoying. also, it's like illegal to look at them. i used to be a teenager.
i'm hungry and thirsty. i should mix some ice cream and water together.
this post is terrible. i'm gonna go look at food.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
i can't sleep
i can't because i'm a psychopath.
there's this girl that i like and she has a boyfriend. i hate her boyfriend and he doesn't even live around here anymore.
i was pretty crazy before my brother died and now it's like i have no reason to stop myself from doing anything. i used to care a little bit about what people thought of me. now i don't at all.
anyway, this girl is all friendly with me now, because she has to be, because she doesn't want to feel guilty if i kill myself like my brother, and i've always liked her. i would always write strange messages to her on facebook and she would always ignore them before.
so after she's nice to me one night and we have a pretty long talk, i just can't handle it and a few days later i write a message to her on facebook saying i have a crush on her or whatever and she doesn't respond, so i get all pissed and write another message all like, 'i don't know know how to deal with you not responding except to hate you,' and then i feel bad the next day and write another message all like, 'i take everything back'.
then today she messages me and is like, 'you're funny. i just got these all today. you know i have a boyfriend, right?'
and i'm all like, 'i'm not funny. i'm crazy :( yes, i knew that.' and she's like 'everyone's crazy' and then i'm like, 'tell me how you're crazy.'
no response. then i'm like, ' i'm not completely crazy. anyway... i was waiting for you to respond to that last message but maybe you left.'
no response. by this point i'm pretty sure she left, so i'm all like, ' it seems weird to me that you would leave. i think i'm just going to ignore you from now on.'
i'm pretty sure she still hasn't read any of it. she'll probably respond in some strange way tomorrow.
i don't really think i'm justified in most of this. i should probably learn to fall in love with girls that don't have boyfriends. her boyfriend is just such a tool tho. he's actually my dead brother's wife's brother. so that's interesting. i don't really like my brother's wife's family. ya, if any of you are reading this. fuck you. please tell me if you read it tho, so i know why you're mad at me.
there's this girl that i like and she has a boyfriend. i hate her boyfriend and he doesn't even live around here anymore.
i was pretty crazy before my brother died and now it's like i have no reason to stop myself from doing anything. i used to care a little bit about what people thought of me. now i don't at all.
anyway, this girl is all friendly with me now, because she has to be, because she doesn't want to feel guilty if i kill myself like my brother, and i've always liked her. i would always write strange messages to her on facebook and she would always ignore them before.
so after she's nice to me one night and we have a pretty long talk, i just can't handle it and a few days later i write a message to her on facebook saying i have a crush on her or whatever and she doesn't respond, so i get all pissed and write another message all like, 'i don't know know how to deal with you not responding except to hate you,' and then i feel bad the next day and write another message all like, 'i take everything back'.
then today she messages me and is like, 'you're funny. i just got these all today. you know i have a boyfriend, right?'
and i'm all like, 'i'm not funny. i'm crazy :( yes, i knew that.' and she's like 'everyone's crazy' and then i'm like, 'tell me how you're crazy.'
no response. then i'm like, ' i'm not completely crazy. anyway... i was waiting for you to respond to that last message but maybe you left.'
no response. by this point i'm pretty sure she left, so i'm all like, ' it seems weird to me that you would leave. i think i'm just going to ignore you from now on.'
i'm pretty sure she still hasn't read any of it. she'll probably respond in some strange way tomorrow.
i don't really think i'm justified in most of this. i should probably learn to fall in love with girls that don't have boyfriends. her boyfriend is just such a tool tho. he's actually my dead brother's wife's brother. so that's interesting. i don't really like my brother's wife's family. ya, if any of you are reading this. fuck you. please tell me if you read it tho, so i know why you're mad at me.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
fuck consistency
i don't know how many blogs i've had, but i'm going to try to keep this one. i think the title defines me pretty well. i just don't know who the hell i am.
i'm really pretty crazy. i like writing posts and deleting them a few minutes later.
also, i like adding to posts after publishing them.
i was trying to think about why people follow blogs and i don't think people will follow my blog.
i think i'm interesting, but in kind of a bad way.
i'll just get this out of the way. if you follow my blog, i will internet stalk you, fall in internet love with you, freak out at you for not responding correctly and then be kind of normal after that until i fall in love with you again or you try to internet hide from me.
i'm really pretty crazy. i like writing posts and deleting them a few minutes later.
also, i like adding to posts after publishing them.
i was trying to think about why people follow blogs and i don't think people will follow my blog.
i think i'm interesting, but in kind of a bad way.
i'll just get this out of the way. if you follow my blog, i will internet stalk you, fall in internet love with you, freak out at you for not responding correctly and then be kind of normal after that until i fall in love with you again or you try to internet hide from me.
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