Older than you.

I said earlier this blog was being shut down, but I deleted that post.

There's not much to write that I haven't written before.

Twenty year olds are so naive.

I hate it that people think they know the answers. The more sure someone is of what they know,the less I believe them.

Answers, answers, answers. I have none.

silly of me to think other twenty somethings would.

silly of me to think people who are so easily excited could be wise about life...

You are so sure and so very wrong.

I am older than you because I know there is nothing to know. There are no answers.

at least not the ones we are looking for.

the answers are far more complicated than our brains could ever handle.

there's no reason to pretend we know anything at all.

Good doesn't sell.

It doesn't seem, because it's boring and uninteresting.

It just seems like a huge thing to me, that our society focuses so much on the chaos and destructive forces in the world and pays so little heed to the everyday kindnesses. We get sick of them so easily.

They are like the cherry on top of our ice cream sundae of hate. Our lives our full of the tearing apart of all things meaningful and so rarely do we look to see something that does have meaning. So rarely do we wish for such things, because they have become empty to us.

It's movement from one disgusting perversion to the next more disgusting perversion, until one day we will once again be watching humans slaughter humans for sport.

I thought I knew something about the meaning of existence. It turns out I know nothing of existence. But I do know I can't stand to watch anymore as everything despicable in the world becomes more and more adored.

I will hide away in my world, apart from your world, where I can cling to the small things I love, that aren't exciting at all.

I will hide with this little peace I have saved and wait for the day it is safe for me to share it again.

I want to write something.

I have no complicated reason. I have no highly noble reason. I have no very special reason.

I feel that all the problems in my life come directly from making a bigger deal out of something than it specifically deserves. Sometimes I make a bigger deal out of something intentionally, very intentionally and sometimes I do it very unintentionally. Sometimes I simply fall into it, those addicting addictions that I love to love to love.

I must FIND the root of the problems. I must find the things I make the biggest deal of that are hollow in actuality.

I am amazed that life still continues. There are so many endings around me and yet, I don't end.

When all is lost, I am still here. I am always here it seems. until I am not. and I will not be aware, when i am not. there is only this, there is only you right now.

there is one. there is only one of you and you are alone.

i am over there, not really real, not in your world. you are alone. you've always been alone. TWO THOUSAND PERCENT ALONE.

do not pretend that you are like me. no one is like you. no one anywhere.

you are.
and always will be.
A
L
O
N
E

only when you know
this
will you be able to deal

with it
as
u
should

there is no one watching your thoughts and judging them.

there is no one waiting to punish you.

if you would love, do so for the sake of love.

do so because you love to love.

if you will hate, no one will know.

no eyes will see you. no one will hate you for it.

you are alone.

be who you will.

be who you are.

i do not see you.

i see a picture that is not you, only partially formed through your directions.

i will hate you for everything you aren't. and love you for everything you're not.

i will never see you.

i can never know you.

20SB was down...

when I wrote this, or started to write. it.

SO. I decided to write something here.

NOT LIKE I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT.

it almost seems like some people are trying to get me to come back to 20sb or something.

i just feel like, if i come back, i want it to be because I want to come back.

actually, i can't force myself to come back anyway. i don't generally force myself to do anything unless i think it's completely terrible of me if i don't.

anyway, i'm strange. people should expect the worst from me. or me to do everything they don't want. i don't do what people want.

i like to run away and hide.

i want to hide from everyone ever. always. all the time. all the time.

I'm Invisible.

It's true.

I disappeared and now I can't see myself.

You probably can't either.

Being all alone is awesome.

When I am alone, there is only me. No one is there who I can feel different from. Everything is okay.

I feel like blowing on people's eyes to make them different.

If I blow on their eyes, they will have to close them and people change when they close their eyes.

I will blow on your eyes until you are like me.

I will be alone and no one will be with me.

It is a good thing.

I am never alone.

I will kiss your eyes to put you to sleep.

Go to sleep.

I will blow on your eyes. sleep.

My unending hatred.

I don't know where it comes from.

I hate people for a lot of different reasons.

I hate them if I think they are lazy.

I hate them if I think they are stupid.

That might be it actually.

I've decided the root of any evil is laziness, because it is possible to not desire certain things if you're willing to try.

Maybe I hate people for not being more open minded too.

People who have never considered certain ideas, like religious ideas, and who never will.

Usually the term open minded is used to talk about how religious people should be. More open minded. I think it goes both ways though.

I hate you because you are so different from me.

I wish I didn't.

At the same time I want to keep space between us because I don't know if I want to be like you.

I don't see anything beautiful in your world.

That is honest. It is not hate.

I want the kind of beauty that I believe in to be real.

Carnal loves doesn't seem pretty to me.

Our bodies are not beautiful, because they die.

They fade.

Maybe my mind is broken to believe in things that are not.

Maybe God is not guiding me and I am always stumbling because there is nothing that will hold me up.

Perhaps the first rule is that people do not make sense.

I am trying to make sense out of senselessness.

There is no beauty and I am trying to find beauty.

This is why I suffer. I will suffer. I will suffer a lot.

Only death will stop me.

Only death will end my pain.

Really Angry.

Something is wrong, very wrong. There's people I've always hated and I've always understood why people hated them, because they were unforgiving, or 'holier than thou'.

I'm not actually sure if I hated them. I just always knew that everyone else did.

I'm turning into something that everyone will hate.

People might lie to me and tell me they don't hate me, but I hate me. I hate me because I hate everyone. I hate people who hate everyone and I hate everyone.

I'm so dedicated to something and it doesn't look pretty to me anymore.

Everything and everyone looks ugly.

Maybe I just need to sleep. Or kill somebody. I want to see blood.

nonononnonononon, maybe. my chosen reality is falling apart.

everyone is falling apart. i'm not that pretty.

you can't love hate and all i am is hate.

something is wrong. something is wrong.